Tags: otl

xxxholic butterfly

Worries

I can do something well. Just one thing, but it's the only I've been able to take pride in and even brag about. I should be glad that here's another chance to prove my prowess. It's practically an undisputed fact that among them all, I'm the best.

So why am I doubting myself now??
If I can't believe that I can do just this, am I good for anything at all?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I needed some place to post that and finally decided I'd put it here.

Explanation: Recently, my band class has been taken over by an assistant teacher who needs to teach a class for a while to complete his university course for being a music educator. He's really stern and no one likes him much, but that's beside the point. As part of "remaking" the entire class, he decided to hold seating auditions for the clarinet section. I should be jumping for joy right now. After all, I expected for those to happen way back in August. But the original teacher decided not to hold them. And so he arbitrarily assigned us parts. Most of the time I'd get 1st clarinet, but there were times when I had to play 3rd clarinet.
It was really shameful for me to hear of my best friends being the clarinet section leader at their schools and me reporting that we had no set positions in our section at all.

The audition piece is extremely easy. I only have one rival, and I wonder if I can even call her my rival. She isn't particularly dedicated to clarinet -- playing only for this class and practicing at home.
Yet I feel really uneasy. I feel that somehow she will best me and take away the position from me.
She's totally capable of doing that, don't get me wrong. But...I don't know, I always thought that I was so much more skilled. I had more experience too. But maybe that was all then, in August I mean.

I think the issue might be that she's growing as a musician in leaps and bounds while I've only made a few steps this year. I wonder if I ever mentioned that my band class is ridiculously easy for me. I've often wondered if my skills were rotting away though that can't be the case because I practice my own higher level music and nowadays I can play passages that I found unfathomable last year.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I'll go practice now.
shocked/what the heck?!

Well it's not like I didn't see this coming...

Today I learned an important life lesson......
The early bird catches the worm.

I had a chance. I actually woke up at 5am this morning but didn't even think to log on the computer (and I'd be murdered anyways, if caught) and instead went back to sleep for 3 more hours before rushing to work.

I was waiting for this day for awhile...today was the day I could register for the Fall semester at the community college where I decided to take Japanese courses. I received a letter that I was accepted into the college about a week ago and had been excited ever since. My friends told me, "It's just registration. Chill." But there was a doubt smoldering in the back of my mind and I thought to myself that I would not rest easy till I was safely registered.

I got home, grabbed lunch, and went to register online while eating.

...The site was down. D:
So after trying a hundred times I called them....but the site was working for them. o.O

So I thought, "screw this", and tried on a different computer.

It worked! :D
...but I couldn't properly log in.
....so I reset the password...
and got in! :)

And I went to add classes and typed in the course number for Elementary Japanese I, humming happily since everything is working now.
And under status I see...
"OPEN" :DDDDDDD



but next to that I see "13 students on wait list"
OTL
So there is nothing pitiful me can do, but become the 14th person on that list.
Why didn't I have the foresight to wake up earlier?! D:

Conclusion: I fail at life. OTL